day 6

alright last night i went to S4 with my friend. it was fun until i realized how alone i really was. i went home very sad. I asked a friend of his who’s going to a party with him to ask him if he misses me at all. I posted pictures from the club on Facebook and i guess it made me feel a little better but not by much. I called my cousin and mom and nothing new happened. i feel sick and close to tears again. I’m listening to a lot of music which makes me feel better usually. but eventually I’m going to run out of songs. my chest pains are getting worse. yesterday at one point while dancing i couldn’t breath. You know, i wonder what he’s going through. if he’s missing me at all. if he still thinks about me. if he talks about me as much as i talk about him. people are telling me he may be fine now, but later he’s going to feel lonely and think about you and how good he had it. I hope thats true. next semester i want to visit him in college. by then i think we should be fine. he’s living in an apartment  so i don’t see why i can’t crash on his couch. my friends constantly go their to party but i can’t stay with them so i have no choice but to stay with him.  for now, i feel like this pain is just never-ending. like I’m going to forever have a giant scar or bruise. i want to be in canada already. i want to leave and never come back. but of course i can’t do that.