day 8

so this morning i felt horrible. Kinda just wondering why i had to wake up. I dreamt tyler was back from the military and i told him how reuben and i broke up and he hugged me and said I’m so sorry. The weird thing is his mom called giving me the address to send him letters so I’m going to write to him soon. The pains in my chest are getting worse. Breathing and talking feel like so much work. Id rather lay in bed all day and not move but of course i have to. Ive decided to re do my room for those times when I’m at home with nothing to do. Ive been posting oils on Facebook and statuses like crazy. maybe one will catch his eye and he’ll finally text me. Samantha last night and she says he misses me and cares about me but i think thats a lie. she sounded like she cared about my health but i texted her today and no answer of course. Reuben doesn’t know anything about my health. I don’t want him to know. He’ll either make it worse by ignoring me more or take me back and make the pain end. But of course that won’t happen. All i hope is one day he regrets what he did to me. Everything I’ve heard or seen tells me that at first the guys are all happy and the women are sad but then the girls feel better and awesome while the guy is the one upset. i hope its true. Thats not to say i wish reuben any harm or sadness, i just wish he knew what i felt like. I want him to just be back in my life. whether thats a friend of friends with benefits or whatever. Just having him back is all i need. But you get one inch and you always ask for the next more than the last. at night though…thats when the pain comes like a hurricane on an island. The pain is horrible and i can’t sleep. pills don’t work. Nothing does.